Why people these days do not get married in America

I have been in US for sometime now. Every now and then I would hear someone from my project say that her/his son/daughter is moving in with her/his boy/girl-friend. There are some known people who have been in relationship for more than a decade but haven't got married. This phenomenon is specially more in existence in this part of the world. Though, initially I thought it's a very personal matter to the person's life and so never dared to ask a question about such decisions. I still feel it's very much personal and so none of what I'm writing here is necessarily true. But going by the story of someone whom I know personally and who is a n American, I have something that I wanted to put forth here.

As I said, the opinion here is entirely our (rather my) understanding and is not at all intended to hurt any one's sentiments. Having said that, allow me to begin with the problem statement:

Why people these days do not get married in America?

There are multiple versions of this question too ..for example someone says this is more common among the African Americans ... (see this).


The analysis with my friend says that the situation has changed in the last two decades. Earlier people used to get married and live together. The equations changed when some of the US laws and regulations were enforced and divorce laws came into being and were enforced. Some of the divorced people misused the laws excessively and thereby causing harm to the social understanding that marriage was helpful. Some people (read youngsters) now think that marriage is a license you give to the government that allows greedy opportunistic lawyers to steal everything you own. Here in America there are a lot of people making a lot of money splitting up relationships hunting for people like you to suck you dry.If you are a US citizen and are considering marriage, run from it as fast as you can. If you want to be in a relationship, do it. Buy her a ring, live happily ever after. But a contract with the government doesn't add to the relationship. In fact, because of today's laws, marriage actually hurts the relationship and you are more likely to stay together if you don't get married.
Here comes the more interesting part : if you don't have any money and don't ever plan to have any, this doesn't apply to you. Get married, have children, don't worry. However, if you have a good job, own property, buying a house, you're in trouble. And if you're a programmer like me, it's even worse because software is a concept that is way beyond the mental bandwidth of judges to comprehend here :). Some people believe that if you are thinking of getting married to someone who were divorced in past in US, there are high chances that they get divorced again. Initially when they get married, obviously, things go pretty well for sometime. Sure there would be things that they wouldn't like about the relationship, but they tend to think that they were better off than most couples. Who would have thought that one day you think everything is fine and the next day it's all over. It happens ..and happens again and again in this land. Reports suggest that over 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. If you get married you run a better than even chance that this, or something like divorce where you lose everything you have, could happen to you. The law is such that the husband always gets into trouble. Many times the lady changes her mind about the divorce. However, she learns that the threat of divorce is an effective weapon and it is always there, hanging over the hubby's head. And if she didn't get her way she would threaten the guy with the "D Word".

The problem is something different though. Because of the power the government gives lawyers and judges the ability to steal your stuff, and the power to make your mate's life miserable should you choose to do so, being married is like living with a loaded gun sitting on the kitchen table. And once someone picks that gun up and points it at the other person, your marriage is over and your life is ruined. Because of the court system, marriage is bad for your relationship. The court usually orders the husband to pay for the maintenance and such things while the divorce case continues. If the ruling goes in favor of divorce, the guy is suppose to pay up for regular maintenance, health insurance, lawyer's fees plus any loans etc that the couple might have taken. So at the end of it, a regular guy (like a software engineer or a programmer) ends up being broke.

That's what the story is. :(. I'm not sure though, if this is the only reason. There might be n number of other reasons too. But who knows what the other reasons are. If you have some insight, please let me know ...